old musings

I miss you so much.
it's like a piece of myself has gone missing
and yet it's only been nine days
not even
since I saw your face.
but it seems so long since I saw you last
forever since I heard your voice
that piece of me that's missing
is crying on your behalf
two hundred fifteen hours have passed.

I didn't press the eject button to expel you from my life
it happened cuz it had to it cut me like a knife
I never though id lose you
never thought it could end

it's a bend in the road
no looking back once you've passed
blocking what could have been and and changing again.
I don't know where it's taken you I can't follow.
only hope you'll be near
hope you'll hear my voice.
in my future
only dream the paths will lead us back together
will the wind blow in the right direction
set the sails

omiword.
I am so excited.
butterflies is not the word.
more like full body spasms of unbelievable joy.
this happened before. once. this has only ever been caused by one person. is he really the one? because I've got all the symptoms. it's a perfect love in a hopeless situation. I don't want to be in dear john. don't wanna hurt him like he did the first time. I don't even know if he'll be able to forgive me, because he knows I know how much it hurts. so Romeo, this is your liver Juliet saying, do we have to die?

Biycycle for two?

How can it be
Can it be that one I love so much 
Cannot love me in return
My heart is alone in it's pinings
Wishing to be in tandem with another
Wanting a bike ride for two
Stead of one
But his path is so very long
I haven't seen anyone going my speed
Everyone else is just zooming past
Stop to smell the daydreams you blew by
They're worth the wait, the time
For the things we wish for 
can only be found 
in the rays of sunlight 
that sparkle the ground
Fireflies that glisten just speak to the mind 
Remind me all of you
I don't know how any of it coorelates
But hey, I don't mind       

It's still there
That butterfly in the depths of my heart
Has taken wing again, found some like minded buddies
And spread to every inch of me
Tingliness creeps all over
Can't help but love it
You see, you're the cause
These winged beauties left their chrysali and learned to fly 
You see, the beauty of this all 
Is you. 
If Im the square, your the root
The real me comes out
Whenever you're near
And one thing could ruin it all
Do you realize
You're the melody to my life
I'm just a vocalist waiting for my tune. 

Haven of Dreams

I'm tucked in between the cool sheets
Under the quilted comforter
I'm in a strange place 
but I can always find shelter 
wrapped in blankets
In my head they are 
A shield, a moat, a blockade
I'm safe within
In my imagination
The things I weave
Have woven here
Are then lost
To the comfort of a soft pillow 
 

scatterbrained

If I'm not back in twenty minutes, pretend I was never here,
 like a game of hide-n-seek that never stops
I'm caught in between a rock and rest of my life.
Who'd have thought I'd be the one lost, I was so sure of everything.
Turns out I was wronger than Marilyn when she said diamonds are girls best friend.
Bright blue eyelash glue, not really worth anything.
Mine supported me through everything,
 but what I really need is some criticism and a waffle to brighten things up.
Like a rollercoaster sunset, up and down, can't decide whether it's setting or rising.
I'd grab on but it's hard with my rectangular fingertips.
I'm clumsy; it makes thing interesting but not any easier.

no rewinding

I dont really want to recreate the past
Life is confusing enough as it is
without trying it all over again.
My heart wants to sing this song over
Trying to tune it, mend the broken chords,
But this song might be over,
This chord has  been strummed
And this verse of my life
Might be done.
I cant believe I changed my mind
I finally realize the hard truth
The thing I though was my destiny
Is actually the start of the rest
Don't look back
Anymore
That door has been shut behind me.
I'm done.

im so sick of selling my life like lemonade
to worthless people who just steal my dreams
they pick me and then throw me away
thinking they've just done what's best for them

I'm sitting in my paper cup
with a little bit of the cold ice of life
freezing off my fingertips
I've been waiting for the right one
you, the one I've never met
won't you please introduce yourself
we would talk and laugh
everything would be so simple
but you never come- we've never met---

In my paper cup
I'm all alone for now
maybe this is the one
maybe not
maybe no
it's just a litle tiny seed of hope
sour tangy lemon hope
and me myself and I
I had lemons
I made lemonade
one squirted in my eye
I cried

my paper cup
my only place of refuge
I look at what I've been through
what I've left behind
so far
so far
it's crumpled up
used more than once
you think I'll ever have enough to change my way
of coping with this mess?
not while I'm in my paper cup

golden cage

Theres a bird... On that tree over there
He's afraid of me I don't know why.
There's something in the air
Telling him beware.
" Its a dangerous creature
With weapons of fire
It'll take your home away from here
Gone. Away from here.
Your children, scattered and sold
In cages ironically gold and silver.
Gone will your tree, your nesting place be
Every nook, every cranny,
Gone.
Your feathers, so admired by the sun
Coveted red and green
They'll make into things they call "beautiful"
But you see birdie,
You're so much more beautiful than anything they could ever create.

The first.

If I'm not back in twenty minutes, pretend I was never here, like a game of hide-n-seek that never stops I'm caught in between a rock and rest of my life. Who'd have thought I'd be the one lost, I was so sure of everything. Turns out I was wronger than Marilyn when she said diamonds are girls best friend. Bright blue eyelash glue, not really worth anything. Mine supported me through everything, but what I really need is some criticism and a waffle to brighten things up. Like a rollercoaster sunset, up and down, can't decide whether it's setting or rising. I'd grab on but it's hard with my rectangular fingertips. I'm clumsy; it makes thing interesting but not any easier.